Who Carries the Woman Who Carries Everyone?

Ladies, I want to talk to you for a minute because something has been sitting heavily on my mind.

How long are we supposed to carry everybody before somebody realizes that we need to be carried too?

So many women have become accustomed to being the strong one that we don't even recognize how heavy our lives have become.

Everybody calls you because you can handle it.

Your children need something. Your partner needs something. Your parents need something. Work needs something. The house needs something. Your friends call when they're falling apart because they know you'll answer.

And you do.

You figure it out.

You make it happen.

You keep everybody moving.

But who is checking to see if you are okay?

When Being Needed Becomes Your Identity

There is something beautiful about being dependable. There is nothing wrong with loving your family, supporting the people around you, or being someone others can count on.

The problem begins when being needed becomes the only way you know how to exist.

Somewhere along the way, many women learned that taking care of everyone else was love, but taking care of ourselves was selfish.

We learned to feel guilty for resting.

We learned to explain why we needed time alone.

We learned to push through exhaustion because there was always one more thing that needed to be done.

Eventually, carrying everything becomes so normal that we stop asking whether we should be carrying all of it in the first place.

Where Do We Find Softness?

I want women to start asking a different question.

Where do I get to be soft?

And when I say softness, I am not talking about some fantasy life where you have no responsibilities and spend every afternoon at a spa.

I'm talking about moments when nobody needs anything from you.

A moment when you aren't fixing something.

A moment when you aren't solving somebody else's problem.

A moment when you aren't working, producing, cleaning, planning, worrying, answering, arranging or anticipating what everybody else will need next.

Sometimes softness is sitting in your car for fifteen minutes in silence.

Sometimes it's drinking your coffee before everybody wakes up.

Sometimes it's taking a walk without answering your phone.

Sometimes it's saying, "I can't do that today."

Softness does not have to be extravagant to matter.

Maybe What We're Calling Stress Is Something Deeper

We talk about stress like it is always caused by one difficult day.

Sometimes it isn't.

Sometimes what we're calling stress is years of responsibility without enough relief.

It is years of being the person who handles everything.

Years of putting yourself last because someone else's need always seemed more urgent.

Years of telling yourself you'll rest after this week, after this project, after the children get older, after things calm down.

Except things never really calm down.

And underneath all of that stress, there can also be grief.

Sometimes Strong Women Are Grieving Too

There can be grief for dreams you put on hold.

Grief for opportunities you didn't pursue because somebody needed you.

Grief for the woman you used to be before your entire identity became wrapped around responsibility.

There can even be grief for how much of yourself you have given away simply because you were capable of carrying more.

And that's complicated because you can deeply love the people you have sacrificed for and still acknowledge that some of those sacrifices cost you something.

Both things can be true.

You can love your family and miss yourself.

You can be grateful for your life and still want more from it.

You can be strong and still be tired of always having to be strong.

Not Everything Is Yours to Carry

This week, I want us to practice something together.

Before automatically saying yes, pause.

Before rushing in to fix another person's problem, ask yourself:

"Is this actually mine to carry?"

That question alone can change a lot.

Sometimes helping everyone around us prevents them from learning how to carry their own responsibilities.

And sometimes saying no isn't abandoning someone.

It's simply refusing to abandon yourself.

Give Yourself 15 Minutes

Every day this week, find one small moment of softness that belongs completely to you.

Not because you earned it.

Not because everything on your list is finished.

And not because everybody else has finally been taken care of.

Take it because you are a person who deserves care too.

Give yourself fifteen minutes.

Sit outside. Journal. Pray. Stretch. Read. Take a bath. Drink your tea in silence. Turn your phone over and simply exist.

No producing.

No fixing.

No performing.

No carrying.

Just you.

Being Strong Should Never Require You to Disappear

We have celebrated the "strong woman" for so long that sometimes we forget there is a woman underneath all that strength.

A woman with dreams.

A woman with needs.

A woman who gets tired.

A woman who deserves support.

A woman who deserves to experience joy without having to create it for everybody else first.

Your strength is beautiful.

But your strength should never require your disappearance.

You deserve to experience the life you've been working so hard to hold together for everyone else.

And maybe the next chapter isn't about becoming stronger.

Maybe it's about finally allowing yourself to put some of the weight down. 

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